Yeah, I know. More than 10 years in the IT field and now, all of a sudden, I decide to hear that little voice which kept whispering inside my ear
“Bee-Bee, you have the soul of an artist, in spite of dealing with numbers and conditions and algorithms. I know you feel that there’s something missing, despite of having it all.”
I heard this little voice for a long time, but there was always something holding me back.
- My legal status in Austria, which gave me loads of headache
- Issues with my family, especially regarding my mother’s health, which made me worry a good deal
- My self-esteem, which was actually lying below my heels
It was not easy at all.
However, the fire kept burning, softly, but it was there all the time. I kept investing in art supplies and technical books. I kept following some blogs which I could learn from their tutorials. I kept doing my art journal, in spite of feeling a sort of blockage inside my mind, as if there was a disconnection between my hands and mind.
Then it happened.
All things that were holding me back, they sorted themselves out. Therapy helped me immensely, especially regarding my self-worth.
(I’m still in therapy anyway, and I hugely recommend it.)
I know, it’s hard to explain what exactly happened to me, what made me really look at myself in the mirror and say
OK, let’s do it.
I think that, in the end, I am just trusting the process. I am just letting myself getting carried with the wind, not really knowing where it will take me.
And you know what?
It feels awesome.